You Might Be a Workaholic If…
As far as I’m concerned, work is a four-letter word and Sunday is a day of rest. Unless it’s football season, and then Sunday is a day of fierce self-examination and vitriol.
If you, like the rest of the civilized world, are a goal-driven type, then this article is for you. Or not. We all know that I am a strong proponent of the simple life. Not the television show. We all can agree that a life driven by the goal of watching “The simple life” is a failure of society, but a life driven by the need to block out time to specifically watch specific television shows, the invention of Tivo or DVR notwithstanding, is a the life of a person that I look up to.
Could I be a workaholic? Let’s take the quiz and find out!
- Do you get more excited about your work than about family or anything else? – If you knew my family, you would realize what a loaded question this is, but we are still talking about work. Give me an awkward and somewhat hostile holiday at home over a day at work any time.
- Are there times when you can charge through your work and other times when you can’t? – I think everyone will answer this with a resounding yes only because most of us consume coffee at work and this behavior is often a result of caffeine. I am forced to answer this with a yes, but only because the times I was unable to charge through work is because of co-worker incompetence. I swear this is true, cough cough.
- Do you take work with you to bed? On weekends? On vacation? – There is a reason why I dislike managers and bosses so much. Three of them are listed in this question. I, again, am forced to answer in the affirmative.
- Is work the activity you like to do best and talk about most? – If by “you like to do best” it means “do because I get paid for it”, and by “talk” it means “seethe”, then yes. If taken in a more contemporary (as defined by the dictionary) manner, then I proudly yawp NO! I would rather talk about your sex life and scandal.
- Do you work more than 40 hours a week? -Pffft. No.
- Do you turn your hobbies into money-making ventures? – I learned at an early age that you never try to turn that which you enjoy into that which you turn a profit by servicing customers. Plus, I never got drafted into the NFL, so there’s that. No.
- Do you take complete responsibility for the outcome of your work efforts? – Even if I try not to, someone has to take the bullet. The boss says that someone is me.
- Have your family or friends given up expecting you on time? – No, but this is a product of not having a life more than it is a product of work.
- Do you take on extra work because you are concerned that it won’t otherwise get done? – I have in the past. I was a fool.
- Do you underestimate how long a project will take and then rush to complete it? – No, mostly I am in a rush to complete it because I put it off until the last minute. Term papers count as “work”, don’t they?
- Do you believe that it is okay to work long hours if you love what you are doing? – Yes, but what percentage of the working populace works long hours because they love what they do? Anyone?
- Do you get impatient with people who have other priorities besides work? – Yes, but this emotion is mostly derived from the fact that I hate them for the ability to do just that.
- Are you afraid that if you don’t work hard you will lose your job or be a failure? – No, I’m afraid that if I don’t work hard I will lose my job and then I won’t be able to pay rent, eat, fix my broken down vehicle, etc.
- Is the future a constant worry for you even when things are going very well? – Have you seen my Dad? Money can’t buy good genes.
- Do you do things energetically and competitively including play? – I swear the people who put together this little quiz have something they want you to purchase. Why else include a question where you better say yes or inflict further damage on your self-image.
- Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop doing your work in order to do something else? – Only when my work doesn’t involve long hours of self-pleasure. Or using the bathroom. Since nobody has paid me a salary for either activity, I am sadly made to answer no.
- Have your long hours hurt your family or other relationships? – Luckily, working long hours only cost me small things like good health and self-esteem.
- Do you think about your work while driving, falling asleep or when others are talking? – No, No, and Yes. Round up the answer and you get No! What? I don’t have a job so the third Yes doesn’t count? That should tell you how boring it is to listen someone talk when someone like me is thinking about a job he doesn’t even have. I’m not talking about you personally, I’m just sayin’…
- Do you work or read during meals? – I do this even when I don’t have a job. Another loaded question… so yes.
- Do you believe that more money will solve the other problems in your life? – The problems that require money to solve. One time I “wished” for more money to solve my problems in one hand and pooped in the other. Guess which hand filled up first. (I didn’t actually poop in my hand.)
If you answer “yes” to three or more of these questions you may be a workaholic.
If I could be made out to be a workaholic, than anyone can be. If anyone tells you that the first step to overcoming any problem is to quit denying that you have a problem, RUN! Next thing you know, they will be preaching about some higher power and praying with you. This leads to church on Sunday and that means you are no longer watching NFL games and are in danger of becoming a well-adjusted person. The world would be less interesting with that person in it.
What to do? What to do? A good start would be to read this article instead. You’re welcome.
