I gotta do something with my time

Yeah, so I am tired of being a computer guy and I heard that you might be able to make extra money to support your drug habit eat something more than fast food or smoke non-generic cigarettes.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a mission statement.

Since I spend an inordinate amount of time every day reading, watching television, using the bathroom, and wishing I had more options than fast food, I decided to add one more thing to the mix. Get a job? Ha! To quote Raising Arizona, I’m young and I have my health. What do I want with a job? I would be depressed about my lack of ambition (and cash) if it weren’t for Paxil. Once again, drugs make everything better. I know I didn’t say that before. Blame the sobriety.

I would like to do something akin to being productive though, so here is another soon to be failed attempt. I harbor high hopes for this venture because it does allow me to totally judge everything I come across in my daily reading or television watching with impunity.

So here is what I’m going to do:

• Read my favorite websites and blogs
  • Report on what I find
  • If I feel up to it, say something original
    • I will never say anything original
• Watch my favorite television programs
  • Apologize profusely for the fact that I watch television programs that make me question my manhood.
    • I like American Idol. I hate myself.
  • Feel better about being a man when I realize that 80% or more of what I watch are sports related.
• Read the stack of books next to my bed
  • I read these books while watching sports. This leads to not really paying attention to either.
  • Usually during baseball season, this activity leads to an especially harrowing act: the daytime nap.
  • You should know that I really only read fiction. I was a philosophy major in college and I refuse to read anything (bound, that is) that will cause me to think. I am an Adult now one thing I learned as a kid is that adults are always right.
    • My parents were great role models.
• I love Music, but will not write about any of that here.
  • At least until I can afford to buy a sound card for my computer.
    • I also despise advertisements on web sites that make noise, so don’t hold your breath for me to buy one of these any time soon. Drug seeking ER visits are an expensive pastime.

I have friends that I love and value their opinion. Hold on….

Please God, do not let me turn into Bill Simmons and continually reference friends that people do not know or care about in the least. Amen.

Okay, I’m back.

I will also never write a blog entry about a trip to Las Vegas that nobody will care about. Here is all you need to know about Vegas if you have never been.

• Everything is outrageously expensive. Professional female attention will run you at least $250. Or at least that’s what I hear. I get charged $400.
• The weather sucks.
• The airport is an Asian-American fire drill.
• Gambling is fun only when you win. I had fun gambling. Once.
• Because of all of the tourists, many of them from overseas, the unwritten rule of walking on the same side of the sidewalk as you drive on the street causes MAJOR problems.
• The inevitability of hearing “Whatever happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas” makes me want to punch an old person or kick a kitten.
• I once was left in Vegas by the person who drove. It sucked.

Wait, does this count as a Vegas post? DAMN!

Consistency is no friend of mine. Consistency is my friend.

Alright people… be back soon.

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